i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Randomize
