You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize
