Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
Two words: blizzard sex
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
