Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
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