his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
