She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
don't judge my taste in strippers
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
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