They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
Randomize
