you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Randomize
