like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Pooping to opera.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
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