It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
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