It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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