Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
Randomize
