I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
