I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
Randomize
