I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
