if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize
