ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Randomize
