fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
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