So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
