You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
Acid is not a monday night drug
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
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