She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
Randomize
