Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
