They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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