We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Randomize
