i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
