wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Randomize
