I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
Randomize