Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
lets start a swedish sibling band together
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
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