i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
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