Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
