He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
