Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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