i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
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