I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Randomize
