walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Randomize