I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
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