things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
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