Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
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