It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
Sext me about skeletons
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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