I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
BRING THE BAGELS
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
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