I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
