I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
last night I used snow as a chaser
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Randomize
