There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
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