If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
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