New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
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