Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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