I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
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