i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
