I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
