God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
Barsexuality is the new black.
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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