just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
