Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
I can't trust your balls anymore.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
Randomize
