My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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