Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
Randomize
