She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
Randomize
