If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
