You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Randomize
