you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
