Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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