My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
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