Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
Randomize
