The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
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