I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize