some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
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