did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
Randomize
