I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
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