You were right. It hurts to walk today.
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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