im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
