so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
