meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
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