My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
birth control should be required to get into college
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
