You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize
