I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize