Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
