I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
