She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
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