they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Randomize
