trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
