please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
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