i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
vagina is talking i cant
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize