i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
