I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
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