I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Randomize
