It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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