we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
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