yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Randomize
