I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Randomize
