her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
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