do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
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