That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
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