i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
