operation have a gay friend backfired
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
