Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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