One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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