there was a trapeze. enough said
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
Randomize
