he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
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