I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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