btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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